So yesterday I recorded some videos on Tik Tok about Validation 👀 👀 which stemmed from something the Lord is doing in this current season of my life. I felt led to share this and to write this blog to encourage you in your validation and identity in the Lord.
One day when I was in the 7th grade, I was in science class and I had just gotten a relaxer so I was feeling my hair and nobody could tell me I was not all that and a bag of chips. You know how we feel when we get a fresh hairstyle or when you got your hair straightened and you want everyone to see. This was my mood and nobody could tell me any different. A girl walked into the classroom that I knew of and said " I hOpE yOu DoN't ThInK yOu'Re CuTe." I was crushed and shocked at the same time, I mean my feelings were hurt because I did and my heart dropped to my stomach. I responded back I don't which was a whole lie because like I said I really thought that I was cute.
Her statement effected me and the way I looked at myself because I was already struggling with my identity. I was new to the middle school I attended, I barely had friends because I didn't fit in, I could not afford the newest clothes and shoes, a girl did not like me for whatever reason, I wasn't black enough, I was too light, I was rejected by every boy. I wanted to fit in so bad and I wanted all the black girls to like me and to know that I was good enough to fit into their friend groups, and unfortunately I just did not fit in and was rejected. I subconsciously took her words in and I don't think I ever wore my hair down again. I just wanted to be accepted and to feel like I belonged.
But I didn't and I was different and it was hard to accept. I didn't feel comfortable with being different because I thought it was not okay to be different. The validation for being different was not there.
One definition of validation is the recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile. This was the very thing that I was looking for from people, was to hear that my feelings were worthwhile, but how can someone who did not DIE for you validate you? How can someone who did not CREATE you, validate you? How can someone who was created in the same image of God as you, validate you and give you the acceptance that you truly desire?
It wasn't just the hair but I wanted to be accepted like we all do by people because we want to feel loved and appreciated. We want to know that we in how we are, will be celebrated by other people and we change to fit into the molds and standards of what other people want us to be. How can we truly be all that Jesus has called us to be, if we will not operate in the fullness of who we are? I'm reminded of Moses and the list of excuses he gave to God when God called him.
" But Moses protested to God, Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?"
God answered, "I will be with you. And this is your sign that I am the one who has sent you; When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God at this very mountain. "
But Moses protested, " If I go to the people of Israel and tell them, "The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,' they will ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what should I tell them?"
God replied to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM. Say this to the people of Israel: I AM has sent me to you.
- Exodus 3:11-14 NLT
God validated Moses, not man. God validates YOU, not man.
" I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations." - Jeremiah 1:5
" Today I appoint you to stand up against nations and kingdoms. Some you must uproot and tear down, destroy and overthrow. Others you must build up and plant." -Jeremiah 1:10
" You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-- how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." - Psalm 139:13-16 NLT (read all of Psalm 139)
" All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God's anger, just like everyone else. But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only God's grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness towards us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God's masterpiece. He created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." - Ephesians 2: 3-10
" Don't be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both body and soul in hell. What is the price of two sparrows--one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." - Matthew 10:28-31 NLT
Do not change your personality because of the words of what others say. If God has created you to be goofy, be goofy. If God has given you a serious persona, be serious. If God has given you 4C hair, love and appreciate you because it is a facet of God's glory and goodness. If God has given you unruly curls and you have no idea how to manage them, pray and ask him how to deal with it and wear your hair out. We have to break free from people bondage and pleasing people. It is going to kill you and it will kill who God has created you to be. We need you in the way the Lord made you.
Don't allow the beauty standards of this world determine you. Your natural hair is BEAUTIFUL in all of its glory. Every curl, every kink, every wave was handpicked by God to be featured on you. God knew your hair texture before there was a chart, and if God cares for even that small detail of your life, think about how much more you mean to him.
" For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord-who is the Spirit- makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image." -2 Corinthians 3:17 NLT
" It might not be a matter of conscience for you, but it is for the other person.) For why should my freedom be limited by what someone else thinks? If I can thank God for the food and enjoy it, why should I be condemned for eating it?" - 1 Corinthians 10:29-30 NLT
"Then God said, "Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground." So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. - Genesis 1:26-27 NLT
May God free you from pleasing others and may you walk in the identity of Christ and freedom. Your validation comes from Jesus and Him alone. Know that you are loved by an abundantly gracious God who sacrificed his life for you, who was beaten 39 times, was pierced in his side for you, took 3 nails in his body for your sake. I pray that this blog blessed you and encouraged you.
- Zaire C.